he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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