I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
