a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
