***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
