I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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