After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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