Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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