i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
