He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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