yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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