just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
