Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
