I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
