I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
