Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
