I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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