My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
