I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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