just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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