oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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