i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
