i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
