Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
