I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize