Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
