You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
