so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
