I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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