the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
