You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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