I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
