You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize