You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
