Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
