I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
