Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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