I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
