I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
