i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
