the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize