trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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