My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
