I think i sorta joined a cult last night
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
