Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
