My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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