There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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