kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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