Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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