just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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