Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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