there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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