I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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