My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and she was petting her beer can
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
