I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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