omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Randomize
