i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
