Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
