I love black thongs
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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