he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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