i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
