yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
