this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize