She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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