I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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