Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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