If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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