Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
