i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
