so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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