She went from zero to smokin in five shots
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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