Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
