Cold hands, warm shart.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
