I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
