imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
