he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
