oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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