Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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