VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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