Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
