does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
