i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
