I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
