i just google imaged poop.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
