a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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